Having a supporting role in equity, inclusion and anti-racism, I am often involved in supporting anti-bias conversations. Working with kindergarten teachers this year, was such a joyful learning experience. Using picture books, we decided that we want to make space to challenge biases and stereotypes while also remembering that students are children. Their views and thoughts are shaped by the world around them, including systems of oppression that they can’t yet recognize through their daily interactions with media, social media, conversations, books, and even the way the clothing section is organized where they shop. Our goal in having these conversations isn’t to create discomfort, it is to create a safe space where we can learn about and celebrate all identities in a respectful way.
I’ve learned through this process that things don’t always go as planned. At times, even as young as kindergarten, we have to have some difficult conversations with students. As educators and adults in the room, our responses to these difficult conversations and statements can set the tone of safety in the classroom. It’s challenging!
Spending time with teachers anticipating and preparing for these conversations was helpful. We anticipated what might be said and just as importantly we prepared our responses. We recognized how we feel in the moment and reminded ourselves the intention is to maintain the safety and integrity of the space. It’s important to interrupt harmful language and statements – every time we see or hear them – both for those who are saying hurtful things and for those affected or hurt by them. However, we also want to make sure that we don’t leave it at interrupting or correction. Ideally, we want to engage in conversation with the children, explicitly equip them with skills on how to come back from mistakes, and help to explain why it was harmful. A tall order for early learners!
A resource we found that was really helpful is a text named Start Here, Start Now: A Guide to Antibias and Antiracist Work In Your School Community by Liz Kleinrock. This text addresses many of the questions and challenges educators have about getting started with antibias and antiracist work, using a framework for tackling perceived barriers from a proactive stance and was invaluable in helping us to frame our response to difficult conversations.
On pages 44-45, Kleinrock addresses the question, “How can I hold space for difficult conversations in my class?” She describes three possible ways the educator could react when engaged in difficult conversations, a knee jerk reaction, an interrupting strategy, or a call in conversation. A knee jerk reaction is the reaction we first give from a place of shock or emotion while an interrupting strategy stops the harm from happening in the moment. A call-in conversation is one that invites students to reflect on the impact of their words and works collaboratively to determine how to do better. As an educator, I could relate to all three of these reactions and reflecting on these possible ways to respond really helped us to centre ourselves in the intention of the moment.
For example, one of our conversations was about the story “The Sandwich Swap.**” When planning with this book, we anticipated that students might say something like, “Ew! I hate stinky foods, too!” In fact, we acknowledged that we had heard students saying something similar at the nutrition table in the past. How were we preparing to respond? How did those types of comments make us feel and make the other children in the class feel? How did the other students in the class react – did anyone join in and agree or empower those comments or did someone call out those comments? And we had to acknowledge how we’ve already responded to those types of comments in the learning space.
Using Kleinrock’s framework, we recognized the following types of possible reactions:
Knee jerk reaction: “Don’t say that! That’s mean!”
Interrupting strategy: “Lots of people like different foods. It’s not okay to put down what other people enjoy.”
Call in conversation: “I understand that people like different things. When we say things like “Ew! Or Gross!” It’s hurtful to others and can make them feel sad or embarrassed about foods that are special to them. What is something we can do or say that can help to lift people up instead of putting people down?”
This framework helped us to determine which of these responses made most sense for us. We could feel more confident entering that conversation understanding our purpose: making space for students to learn how to navigate their emotions, words, and impact on others.
My biggest learning from this experience was how valuable it is to prepare for conversations. Taking the time to think about what to say in the moment helped me to feel ready to engage in “call in conversations” rather than be overwhelmed and unprepared resulting in a knee jerk reaction. While it’s hard to find the time to prepare for every conversation, remember the necessity of interrupting in the moment. Revisiting conversations later with the individual or as a whole class can re-open that call-in conversation in a meaningful way.
**The Sandwich Swap by Rania Al Abdullah and Kelly DiPucchio. In this story, best friends Lily and Salma always eat lunch together; Lily eats peanut butter and Salma eats hummus. After saying some hurtful things about each others’ lunches that were lovingly made by their parents, their friendship is at risk.
