Will Gourley Challenging Topics, Constant Learning, Differentiated Instruction, Distance learning, Emergency Distance Learning, General, Mental Health, self reflection, social emotional learning, Teacher Wellness, Teaching online

Some days I don’t like teaching

The above title is not a lie, but it hasn’t always been like this. I have no intentions on adding on more unlikeable days either, even while there are forces beyond my control always at work. I am seeking to understand how and why it feels this way?

Prior to January 2020, it would have been easy to count the number of bad days I have had  over 11 years of teaching on one hand – that includes the Laurel Broten years as MOE. Okay, 2 hands #FireLecce. Sadly, a year and a third later, I am using the segments of my fingers too.* I am sure that this admission probably mirrors what many in our profession are feeling whether in class or in virtual school settings. For the sake of this post, I will stay in my lane and write for myself with the knowledge that this is common ground. 

Not that my students would ever notice, but there are numerous days when I find it hard to like what it takes to facilitate instruction of any sort. I am struggling to find any of the profound and prevalent joy that naturally occurs in the in-person classrooms in which I am privileged to teach. While emergency online education has occasional moments of brilliance, they seem more like faded flashes of light than beacons of lasting inspiration lighting the way forward. I perish the thought that this becomes acceptable in education beyond these “extreme and exceptional” circumstances. 

These moments pass through our cold screens as quickly as posts on a social media feed. Lately, it seems as if students have become conditioned to seeking out fleeting moments of happiness/joy while on-line – something akin to the addictive need for instant gratification. They need to know the answers now, and don’t want to wait for them. Are you noticing this happening in your lockdown learning spaces?

At a time when most answers are available to learners by simply opening another tab or pointing an app at a screen, it is hard for students to get excited about “the learning” when it comes without a healthy struggle or a need to problem solve. By being able to get what they need without any demand on their intellect other than Google skills, students are missing out on some deeply foundational learning right now. The issue comes when they are asked to apply some of this instant knowledge to something different that can’t be searched. 

At first, I wondered whether it was the type of questions I was asking. Were the answers googleable? Teachers can fall into that trap really easily, but it can also be avoided by asking students to evaluate and infer as part of their responses rather than to regurgitate the who, what, when, and where answers. I am a why and how guy when it comes to asking questions so most of the literal variables in questioning are out. I suggest reframing questions to help students respond to content in ways that ask for their opinions while using the lesson or text to reference and support their own ideas.

Then I wondered whether the pace of instruction was too rapid? Was I assigning too much? I teach a combined class and try to provide enough time built in for much shorter lessons with considerably more digital supports for students to reference when they are working independently. Providing time in-class, re-negotiating due dates, reminders, and check-ins are all part of the process.

Despite multiple hours of availability on and off line, students have still been struggling to complete work in a timely manner. With so much pressure to keep everyone engaged more content/lessons/assignments get shared over the course of a the instructional week, more check-ins for understanding happen, and the cycle of lockdown learnig online repeats itself. Adding more work was not the answer. Maybe variety is the answer?

So I mixed it up with TED talks, TED Ed lessons, discussions, visual Math, digital manipulatives, assessments with links to prompt and remind students, and some extra time be silly and do Just Dance. That moved the excitement and engagement needle in the right direction and then in the last little while, the cameras began staying off. 

Cue the dots

This is what teaching looks like during a pandemic yet this is the reality of virtual instruction right now. Despite the differentiation it is still hard to find joy or connection in these spaces. At least the sounds of voices and the occasional witty remark in the chat lighten things in the moment. I can only imagine how hard it must be on the students who have been thrust into this virtual maelstrom and expected to perform as if nothing has changed in their lives or the world around them. I am still working on making it better for all of us in the spaces we are forced to occupy right now. In the meantime I am want to make sure that our time is meaningful, fun, and mentally healthy in advance of a return to in-person instruction in the future. Maybe then I can stop counting the unlikeable days and resume counting the amazing ones again. 

Further reading
The Twitter Generation: https://tomprof.stanford.edu/posting/1182

https://medium.com/launch-school/the-dangers-of-instant-gratification-learning-d8c230eed203

Will Gourley COVID19, Distance learning, e-learning, Equity, General, Making a Difference Through Education, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Teacher Wellness, Teaching online

A world at our fingertips

What world?
The first question that comes to mind when I think about the title of this post is, “Did I ask for this world at the end of my fingertips, and since its “wide web” pervades my life, how then, is it possible to feel so isolated when everything is at our fingertips? Food, clothes, household items, tech, and other diversions can be at our doors at the speed of our clicks, credit cards, and local couriers. The choices are non-stop, but there is one thing I haven’t been able to order online yet; a real in-person classroom and the bristling energy of its learners. I can’t even order a bus duty right now. 

Anyone else miss yard and bus duty?

I miss school so much that I was thinking of making a program to simulate being at school. I miss yard  and bus duty. I miss taking the long way to the office via the second floor. I even miss the First Aid calls for ice and band-aids. Even with a top dollar VR set up, nothing comes close to the completeness of an in-person educational experience; no matter how brilliantly it is delivered or repeated. For now, the best I can virtually do is be the best virtual version of myself.  

Despite everything these nimble digits can cull from the world wide web, the feelings, sounds, and yes, smells of school cannot be re-created online. You see our connectivity comes with a cost. Our eyes may be tethered to screens, but it is clear that our hearts and minds are looking for something else. Connection.

What’s keeping you connected?

In my last post Insert name(s) here I wrote about focusing on connections rather than curriculum with students first. As we continue learning during the lockdown, I am finding that connection is the single most important thing to preserve our wellbeing. When I read that teachers are feeling pressured to load students up with homework each day I get worried. It’s concerning to find hear of distorted and unrealistic expectations that learning is supposed to be like it was pre-pandemic. The only question I can ask anyone who thinks it does is, “Have you ever seen a Kindergarten Zoom class?” “Have you ever taught one?”

Imagine taking the wonderous living maelstrom that is known as the JK/SK class, and then compacting it onto a small screen replete with daily pet show and tells, spontaneous dancing, hasty exits for calls of nature, and unsanctioned nose touching? I am sure that does not happen solely in JK/SK either. In my class, there are some seriously funny faces that get made while someone preens in to the camera, or when they suddenly think someone said fart, or when they all decide to stuff couch pillows under their sweaters for DPA. This must be playing out everyday around the world right now. 

Sometimes the supporting cast gets into the main shot.

How about when you hear parents yelling in the background or when they are trying to negotiate with a client while walking too close to their child who happens to be answering a question at that moment? Upon reflection, these moments are probably the best things about virtual school during these times. It’s the humanity of our students shining through, and that is one of the single most important reasons for us to keep coming back day in and day out for our students. Making time for laughter  in my class has led to engagement and to learning. 

But seriously folx.

Hearing humorous stories from fellow educators has been crucial to my mental survival during such a trying time. Lockdown learning also comes with the knowledge that there are a number of educators who are struggling right now. I encourage you all to reach out to someone to check in on them. That includes those who always appear like everything is going great based on their social media posts. The truth is behind the curated photos is a lot of toil and hard work. This grind is hard on all of us. We need one another and the good thing is we have the entire ETFO community of educators to lean on. 

Take time to reach out. Even though we can’t order a cure for COVID yet, we can use this medium to send support to one another without the excessive packaging and credit card statements either. 

Will Gourley COVID19, Distance learning, e-learning, Emergency Distance Learning, Engaging students with online learning, General, Making a Difference Through Education, Mental Health, self reflection, Wellbeing

Insert name(s) here

I hope this message finds you well. 
It has been a long time since we’ve been able to really; (circle one)
a. Chat
b. Catch-up
c. Connect
d. Collaborate
e. Other____________________________
f. All of the above (I circled this one)

I really miss the times when we were able to learn together, and to encourage each other in person too. Come to think of it, I miss a lot of things about the past year and a third. Most of all, I miss all of the joys, highs, lows, and in-betweens of being in our school. I’m not quite sure how all of these emotions built up so fast. Oh wait, COVID.

Our feelings are like CO2 being forced into a bottle and then put into a paint shaker to see what happens. I know what happens. It is messy. Other times its as if the soda bottle has been left out on the counter with the lid off all night. That sparkle and effervesence is long gone by morning. That was never the case when we were in school. 

Lately, it seems like all we do is view each other through layers of fiber optic signals and glass screens. Sometimes, I am not sure whether any of us feels like we are truly seen anymore. After all we miss the crucial dimension of proximity each time we meet in our virtual lockdown learning spaces. Well, at least our masks are off at home, yet somehow there is something really different, almost missing between being in each other’s presence and the telepresence we are forced to be engaging in right now. 

I know that it’s a struggle for me. I have meetings to teach now. I hear your voices, but our virtual interface might as well be a tin cans tied together with string like when we were kids. To me, it is becoming increasingly impossible to read small faces at 72 dpi. That’s if I see anyone at all after privacy and comfort levels are factored in. Decoding your complexity of emotions from what looks more like an animated postage stamp(gif) at best, or a motionless icon at worst never came with a training manual.

So I am writing my own. It starts every day with breaking down the digital walls that prevent us from proximity. COVID 19 may have moved our learning online for now, but it can’t prevent us from continuing the class community we have worked so hard to create. We’re chatting. We’re catching up. We’re connecting. We’re caring and then we are learning, but it is messy and it is draining. Everyone is bringing their best versions of their best selves to virtual school right now, and that looks different from day to day. 

I know you’re connecting because the little green metres rise and fall when you speak or type. Sometimes everyone is trying to answer at once and other times it is an awkward hush. How I cherish our variations from routine interactions and uniformity of it all. It is exciting to see the chat stream full of comments. I love it when the little virtual hands are raised up to respond. Each one not a pixel higher than any other. I know that there are others who want to say something, but are still feeling unsure about it and themselves too. There are even some who cannot participate because of limited tech/WiFi and that’s okay.

Whatever the reason(s) we will grow stronger and get through our days with:
Insert name(s) here, How are you?
Insert name(s) here, Would you like to share something with the class? 
Insert name(s) here, I notice you have been struggling with your tech. How can I help? 
Insert name(s) here, I wanted to let you know that you offered a really thoughtful answer in our discussion today, and I appreciated your perspective.
Insert name(s) here, I noticed you shared a lot of great ideas in the meeting chat today. I am glad you lead our class in that space.
Insert name(s) here, You are valued. You matter. I see you.

I know there is much more that follows, but everyday has to begin with our humanity before anything else. It may seem tough to give up that time at the start of each day, but the investment in knowing students, especially while we are in lockdown, will pay lifelong dividends in hearts and minds of your learners and self. It will make this time better than bearable while we prepare to return to our schools again soon.  

 

 

 

Will Gourley Challenging Topics, Constant Learning, COVID19, Emergency Distance Learning, General, Making a Difference Through Education, Professional Learning and Growth, self reflection

Wrong again

Privilege, position, and power are placed in the hands of all educators. Being a teacher, regardless of instructional medium is more demanding than ever before. While our world in and out of the classroom looks like nothing we have ever seen before, some things haven’t changed – such as the importance of social justice in education. What we teach must always be inclusive of who we are teaching, the community, and the world around us in our instruction.

This is why anti-racist education is so important. We need to continue this work beyond the month of February because systemic racism and bias are hard at work all year long. That means there’s always something more to learn. There’s also a chance that we could get things wrong and that can get in the way sometimes.

As learners, humans can gain much from making mistakes. There’s even an expression for it: “To err is human.” I must be really human because I have learned so much from my mistakes already. From what I am seeing in the news and on social media, our humanity has never been more human based on the loads of mistakes we’re making. Depending on how you see it, this could be good or bad? Isn’t that the essence of what we do on a daily basis? Isn’t education where we model process and progress over perfection?

Confidence does not come without failure

I am confident that there is a line about being ‘lead-learners’ in the fine print of our infinite-paged-job description. That’s because teaching naturally comes with all of the ‘lessons’ ever imagined whether you are leading or learning. The trick becomes knowing how to find them, and then accepting that none of us will ever know everything. Perhaps this peace of mind is why I have grown more comfortable with discomfort of not knowing everything, and even with being wrong at times. I have also discovered that there are many like minded educators just like me – most of us in fact.

In On becoming an anti-racist educator I wrestled with my past along the path, but it also meant confronting the existence of racism in my personal life and my part in it. A younger iteration of myself might have struggled with this, but by examining my past and my responsibility as a bystander has helped move me forward. Throughout my life I have grown accustomed to getting things wrong, but always believed that I was standing on the right side when it came to issues of equity and anti-racism. What I realized, after reflection, mentorship, and deeper learning was how my belief in those lies was solely meant to ease my burden of responsibility for my complicity and privilege.

Black History Month is 10 months away

Cue the current teaching situation where our roles have now expanded to include daily counselling on issues of mental health, experts at PPE, and classroom sanitizers extraordinaire. We have also become distance learning specialists, multi-modal lesson trailblazers, fearless conversationalists about issues of race and racism, and critical thinkers on how to overcome and dismantle systemic racism and bias. All because we have assumed a lead learners mindset fuelled by getting things wrong and working on it along the way to success.

So it doesn’t have to be different in the classroom then. For me it has meant trying to include culturally relevant and responsive content into each day. I am choosing to avoid the prescribed resources from text book companies that have grown largely culturally irrelevant and unresponsive. Now is the time to amplify new voices in our classrooms and staff meetings too. Regardless of the platform being used to deliver learning, the opportunities and responsibilities remain in every lesson and moment we engage our learners about issues of racism and how to fight against them. The work must continue long past Black History Month to undo 400 years of injustice in for the future generations.

Whether it is in my lessons or by omission, my mistakes are at the core of learning how to get things right. In all of this I find my humanity too with more mistakes to come. To misquote a Disney song and without their lawyers hurting me, “no one fails like Will G”. Embracing my messtakes, excepting korrection, and leaning form them are kee ingredients to a butter me in the classruin. Won day aisle get it write.

 

 

Will Gourley Challenging Topics, Constant Learning, COVID19, Emergency Distance Learning, General, Mental Health, Teacher Wellness, Wellbeing, wellness

Nothing changes but the day

Vernal Equinox

It’s Spring and the recent trip around the sun finds me with some thoughts about fresh starts, green grass, and bunny rabbits bouncing around meadows laying chocolate eggs. Well at least the chocolate part is plausible. Thank you Cadbury. Anything to get my mind off of the fact that more and more schools are closing due to cases of COVID 19. Looking for any rays of hope, my thoughts turned to vaccinations. Now that we have those life saving jabs ready to distribute, things have to get better. Right?

For better or worse? 

My daily exposure to people in my school is around 300 people. That is 20 times greater than the promised/recommended class size for safe in person learning, and 100 times greater than at home. Who am I kidding? It’s exponentially bigger than that as each student has their own web of contacts. Like all educators, I have taken the safety precautions seriously because lives are at stake. Mine and my family members’ at home and school. All I needed to do was remain diligent, follow the protocols, and maintain my distances.

I did find some comfort knowing vaccines were coming. Having ignorantly assured myself, in January, that our provincial government would priortize educators to receive their shots (I’ll wait for you to stop laughing at my naivete). If not so much for our protection, but so that schools could remain safely opened as promised when “no expenses would be spared” was the promise. Our students needed to be back at school so their safety had to be guaranteed. Ventilation, new PPE, increased safety protocols, nurses(heard that one before), and mental health matters.

Meanwhile, at schools a different reality is playing out. Exhaustion and exhasperation while the world around us becomes smaller and smaller through restricted movement, cohorting, fatigue, anxiety, grief, fighting to speak while constantly masked, and becoming an expert at keeping 2 metres apart outside, but only 1 metre apart inside. Don’t forget the learning. What could possibly go wrong or be wrong with such a sweet set up for a learner’s success?

Gorilla in a sport coat

As an educator, nothing says, “You are NOT important to me.” like not being included in the first rounds of vaccinations. This only seemed logical as the numbers of new infections, hospitalizations, and ICU cases were climbing again through the winter and new year break. I take no joy in knowing that they are on the rise again.

The 800 pound gorilla who promised everyone would be safe, especially front-line workers, must have been distracted by something shiny on a can of buck a beer. 3 months into 2021, and despite ETFO demands for action, nothing has been done that gives me or my colleagues confidence that our health and safety are important to the sport coat set in government. As a frontline worker, I can’t help but feel saddened by the obvious message our current provincial government is sending the public about how little it values our profession by not including educators earlier on for vaccinations. Sadly, this inaction and lack of any rational thought of the long term costs will leave all Ontarians crumpling under the weight of lost lives and lost opportunities.

Is it me or are things getting heavier?

The past 3 months on-line and in person have been exhausting. There has not been a single day where I arrive home and am not wiped out mentally and physically. My students are too. This is like being asked to fix a leak on a dam with Play Doh and being told to hold it in place while the water on the other side evapourates.

January passes by, and February too, yet still little concrete news of when educators would be vaccinated. March arrives, our break is postponed in order to save the province from its collective irresponsibilty due to out of country travel and attending large super-spreader events. Now I am thinking about how each school with a case of COVID has the power to become a pint sized super-spreader event.

At my school and hundreds of others, we have had numerous students going home each week due to precautions. As of March 30th a whole class at my school is in isolation as a precaution. This is playing out across the province while restrictions are easing? If this isn’t reason enough for us to be vaccinated sooner rather than later based on data, then perhaps an appealing to compassion would be better since reason is off the table? Who am I kidding? Compassion is not part of their vocabulary because it gets in the way of patronage and profits.

As the inevitability of another lockdown looms in April, I encourage you all to stay safe and continue standing up for our students and profession as you have each and everyday. Make sure to look after yourselves too. I pray that, when this is all over, the ones who were entrusted to look after the health and safety of our public and failed will not be able to hurt our schools anymore.

 

Will Gourley Advocacy for change, Anti-Racism, Black History Month, Black Lives Matter, Equity, General, Making a Difference Through Education, Social Justice

About next month

Do not go gently into that next month. Do not close the book on the last one, and not open it up until the same time next year. Do not look at your checklist and think it is complete. There are still boxes to tick and more are being added each day. There is work to be done on behalf of equity, justice, identity and intersectionality. Do not go gently into that next month.

This past February has revealed so much to me as an educator. It has shown me that you cannot put a time frame around unlearning centuries of racism in the form of micro and macro aggressions against Black, Indigenous, Asian, and all People of Colour. February has shown me that the narratives of history have been whitewashed and buried in textbooks in the hopes that the bones of truth would not be exhumed.

February has taught me that even our collective best efforts to seed conversations, nurture thoughts, and harvest actions face unnatural forces of hatred and bigotry in the gardens of the communities we sow. There are weeds to pull that must be dug out from far below the surface hit by the light. We must dig down to uproot what is hidden in the dirt below.

March must be about continuing conversations around race and racism while celebrating black excellence beyond Rosa, Harriet, Nelson, and Martin. March needs to come in like a lion roaring the names who have fought against injustice and oppression who have yet to be mentioned in the history books. It is not just about athletes and performers, there are teachers, business owners, activists, and civic leaders who have all fought against systemic racism, injustice, and oppression with rarely a mention in our classrooms beyond the month of February: Afua, Dudley, Clotilda, and Denham.

The names above and so many more have been part of the fabric of our communities, but seem to get lost the other 11 months of the year. Please do not go gently in next month without digging deeper into the undershared stories of black excellence that exist around us beyond the worlds of sports and entertainment.

Do not go gently into that next month. It is our collective call to action to learn how to become anti-racist educators. It cannot be compartmentalized into a fraction of our instructional year. Anti-racism education cannot be reduced to a brief item at a staff meeting or a PD session either. 1 month out of 12 will never be enough when racism is working all year long. This work cannot be hefted onto someone else’s shoulders. We must all carry our share of the load.

Do not go gently into that next month. Now more than ever it is time to rage against what has caused so much harm from generation to generation. Embrace what discomforts you, be okay with the dissonance from not having all of the answers to students’ questions. Seek out others who are learning too. Walk alongside them as you learn and grow together and continue planting the seeds of equity and justice in your classrooms.

“Do not go gently into that…” and ‘rage against” phrasing borrowed from Dylan Thomas’ poem Do not go gentle into that good night

Suggested reading:

The skin we’re in – Desmond Cole

We want to do more than survive – Abolitionist teaching and the pursuit of educational freedom by Bettina Love

Caste – Isabel Wilkerson

Will Gourley e-learning, Emergency Distance Learning, General, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Wellness

Tough emotional and right somehow

Tears.

I am pretty sure there were tears in the classroom. 
It wasn’t the first time and won’t be the last.
They were real. They were mine.

You know when you are in the middle of your classroom, midway into a lesson, and a thought hits? It was surreal to say the least as it happened on our first day back after another 6+ weeks of lockdown learning due to COVID 19. I was so proud of my students. Suddenly, thoughts of how hard they have worked through all of the ups and downs, changes, models, and separations that have been pieced into this school year.

Is it raining in here?

My students knew something was up because they all became really quiet. They are usually quite vociferous. Not that day. Perhaps the collective breath we had all been holding onto since Dec 18th was simlutaneously exhaled; we were in each other’s presence again. As often is the case, we were in the middle of a conversation about life. This one was about acts of kindness, and I shared a video from Thai Life called Unsung Hero.

The video tells the story of a person who does little acts of kindness for others, and how those simple gestures impact their lives. The narrator reads through the spot saying how the giver will not get anything in return, be richer or become famous. The only reward will come from witnessing the happiness in sharing simple acts of kindness.

It was at some point in the video when I thought about all of the grace and kindness of the students in my class, at my school, and around the world who have had their educational lives disrupted beyond anything in recent memory that could not be attributable to war or natural disasters. Where was their recognition for coping through all of this? I thought about the trust with which so many of the students whom I teach were able to transition to temporary education on-line, show up everyday, engage, continue to learn, and then at the flip of a switch show up for in person classes only having missed a few beats. In that moment I felt such appreciation for all that they have gone through this year all without complaint or disengagement. What kept them coming back with such positivity when there was so much uncertainty? 

I thought about all of the students who couldn’t return to in person learning as well. I thought of everyone who struggled and continues struggling to turn their cameras and microphones on everyday for virtual school. Whether it has been the result of inequitable access to technology and reliable WiFi, or that they could not stand to stare into a glass plate for 6 to 8 hours a day any longer. I thought of the students and teachers who are slipping through the cracks because they cannot hold on to emailed messages of “Your mental health matters”, “Stay strong”, “We are here to help”, and “We appreciate you” as their only safety harnesses while dangling over the edge of depression, frustration, and anxiety in the virtual classroom. 

I saw how brave my students have been to return with such positive attitudes, knowing that they would be cohorting, masking, sanitizing, listening to lessons muffled by masks and shields, eating lunch with 15 to 20 others at the same time, and trusting that the adults in their lives have made all of the right decisions on their behalf. I knew that these moments were happening in thousands of classrooms at the same time. It was in that moment, I could not help but be proud, humbled, inspired, and worried for them all at the same time. There were tears in my classroom that day.

Epilogue

What caused my brief waterworks could be chocked up to a mix of joy and exhaustion. Joy that we were back in the classroom together. Exhaustion because despite misinformation to the contrary, not only is syncronous learning online physically exhausting, but it comes with the added unjoyment of being mentally exhausting too. Teaching to 20+/- essentially (e)motionless emojis exacts everything of the educators who had to pivot to online learning during this round of lockdowns. Long term syncronous instruction online, in its current iteration, is unsustainable when it comes to the mental health of students and educators.

There has already been an incredible cost to all of this and that bill will need to be paid in full at the expense of the future. I am frightened that it will come at the expense of the social and emotional wellbeing of our communities. I fear what the default model of pandemic learning will do to us all if left in place. I fear it will not only serve as another social divide by widening disparities of equity, opportunity, and privilege, but as a wedge into the longterm wellbeing of families, our youth, and those who teach them. 

 

Will Gourley Advocacy for change, Anti-Racism, Black Lives Matter, Building Inclusion, Challenging Topics, Equity, General, Inclusion, Social Justice

On becoming an anti-racist educator

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. James Baldwin

2020 was like a personal worldview culminating activity that happened in slow motion. It was a merger of events and interactions that finally allowed me the ability to see race and racism more clearly than ever before. 2020 also showed me that there were many more threads woven into this tapestry and that I needed to look at them one by one in 2021. 

Although this post is not intended to be a look back, it definitely includes some reflection and understanding that are decades overdue.

Before ever becoming an ally, activist, and anti-racist there is something I have to do first. Confront my past and present racism. Whether it was implicit or explicit, recognizing the fact that racism is part of my past and present is the first step. In my past it came in the form of exclusion, cruel words, omission, inaction, fear, ignorance, and/or silence. In the present, my acknowledgement of racism in my life comes from waiting for so long to change what I do in the classroom before developing a culturally relevant and responsive pedagogy that was truly inclusive of the students I was entrusted to teach. It comes from sticking to a Eurocentric approach to history and by failing to include the voices of others who have been silenced by a whitewashed curriculum. 

I am sorry for all of it. Even though I was never called out or made to account for my actions I need to own them even though they cost me anything other that regret. This has taken decades to sink in because, ultimately, there was a cost, although so much of it went unnoticed.

Neither the bill, nor the collection agency arrived at my door demanding payback. Only after the realization that my racism accountability statement was seriously overdrawn was I moved to action. The clearest recollections come from middle school, where I remember not standing up for someone who was at the end of racist epithets and exclusion, and laughing while someone shared a racist joke. I see now a complete lack of caring, courage, and conviction to confront what I was willing to let continue by my complacency. I have to own this as part of my past because someone else always paid the price. What worries me more are the times that went by when I was oblivious yet still complicit to how racism was affecting those around me. There was a cost.

Even though it came to me without cost I was still given insight and the tools to effect necessary change each time I dived deeper into how to be an anti-racist beyond the hashtag. It started with some powerful reads such as the work of Ibraham X Kendi, Colson Whitehead, and Eddie S Glaude Jr.. Sharing Kendi’s Stamped from the Beginning with a men’s book club and subsequent conversations last summer have helped me more clearly understand the history of slavery, anti-black racism, and the problems they continue to cause in a time where all men and women are created equal. It wasn’t the readings alone that have brought me to this place though.

There were the #QuarantineEd Zoom calls with Matthew Morris, Jay Williams and educators from across the continent. These weekly discussions of race, identity and Black Lives Matter happened before, during and after the murder of George Floyd and the global outrage that followed. Through all of this, it seemed more beneficial to listen than speak. This extended to one on one conversations with friends and colleagues too. I am thankful for the grace with which wisdom, truth, and insights of anti-racist activists, teachers, and seekers of justice were shared. Learning more about the words white privilege, systemic racism, and black lives matter are now anchored in deeper understanding of the hurt and pain that has been caused by racism. 

I can never go back in time to repay what I owe for my past actions, but I can pay up, and pay it forward – a necessary change for which I hope we will each make a contribution. For me, atonement for past mistakes will be to acknowledge the racism in my life, and to continue listening and learning what needs to be undone and done differently to overcome it. Only then can I move forward to making sure it is eliminated from the spaces I occupy as an anti-racist educator. I want to be part of the generation that ends centuries of racial injustice in our communities and schools.

The words of the next generation sum it up quite nicely, “Racism sucks! Why would anyone want to be racist?” – grade 4 student.

Big thanks to Nicolette Bryan at Adrienne Clarkson PS, @callmemrmorris, @mstrjaywill, @MrTBradford, #QuarantineEd, @chrisjcluff, and #bc4men for the discussion, wisdom, and constant inspiration. Thanks for reading.

 

Will Gourley Challenging Topics, COVID19, Distance learning, Emergency Distance Learning, Engaging students with online learning, General, Mental Health, Modern Learning, Remote Learning, Resilience, self reflection, social emotional learning, Social Media, Teacher Wellness, Teacher Working Conditions, Teaching online, Use of Technology

Per / Con / In / Re – form

Perform 
I am wrestling with my thoughts again. In other words, I am restless again. When this happens many questions appear soon thereafter. Is there anyone out there that feels restless too?

I can’t be the only one in questioning a lot of things right now because most days I feel like a busker at a street festival trying to juggle a bowling ball(technology), a chainsaw(lessons), and a fishtank(learners). Nothing to see here other than a fairly confident educator having a tough time with something that he’s done before – delivering lessons.

So why am I struggling to deliver my lessons? It seems like a good place to start. Right now, I am questioning everything about my professional practice, and it feels like running along a path and tripping over an imaginary object. My week long tumbles are not so much about the content I am teaching, but rather how it is being taught, how it is being received, and how it can be assessed. It is leaving me limping into the weekend? Tell me I am not alone right now.

Conform
And then it hits. How long until the realization that some of my students are not completely engaging with learning right now even though their eyes and emotionless emoticons tell me otherwise? After extended times staring at screens and thumbnail sized student/profile memes I can tell my students are becoming exhausted too despite the brave faces that I see popping up on occasion when called upon. Is this happening to anyone else teaching right now? Are your students tired too? I am. 

Why am I so tired right now? Shouldn’t getting an extra hour of sleep each night, drinking 2+ litres of water per day, reduced caffeine, reduced personal device time, reading more books, and getting more exercise than in years past be helping me out here? I have even added Tai Chi, Yoga, and Hip Hop Dance to our DPA to increase movement during class time. To top it all off, I take daily walks whether I feel like it or not. 

Inform
You see, I force myself to take a walk after each of my hyper-telepresent virtual teaching sessions. Once the goodbyes are done, it is pretty much all I can do to get out of my chair, climb the stairs, and get geared up to go out most days. Especially, when I have to pass by a very comfortable couch whose cushions scream, “Remember us?” It is very tempting, but something even better calls, my daily walks.

Regardless of the weather, these walks are my motivational carrots to keep taking the steps that get me through the many muddy moments along each day’s unpaved path. Knowing that no matter how the day goes, a walk awaits has been all it takes to see me through. Whether a lesson went well or died on the screen in front of me ceases to matter when I inhale that first breath of fresh outdoor air. The exhale feels pretty good too. 

You watch enough TV, and very soon the inside of your head has become a vast, arid plain, across which you cannot detect the passage of a thought. Harlan Ellison

So far this year, I have only missed one day of walking. In hindsight it was probably the day that I needed a it most. Instead, I ended up planted on that inviting couch with a bowl of Smartfood staring at our television. Tuned out. Achy. Sullen. Grumpy. Numb. These feelings got me thinking about screens. 

Reform
Sci-fi author Harlan Ellison referred to TV as the “glass teat”. He even wrote a couple of books about it. I see parallels to how education is being delivered right now. We need to wean our students off of their screens more and more in order to preserve their minds from numbing and tuning out. 

Somewhere along my way outside a struggle ensued about the work I am doing in front of my screen. Is it serving to numb our students over extended periods of time? Will these extended periods of online learning cause irreparable tears in our socio-academic fabric? I am not ready to believe that this is the beginning of the end for in person school and that we are heading for our isolation pods as told in E.M Forster’s The Machine Stops? 

We cannot continue feeding content from one glass plate after another and expecting students to grow up smart and healthy. A dear friend suggested that cutting the learning day back to 4 days might be a good idea. Allowing the 5th day for asynchronous activities such as self-directed inquiry and catching up on assignments during the day rather than in the evenings when fatigue sets in. Teachers could easily use that time for office hours, for one on one/small group support, and conferencing. Everyone wins. 

Yet to form
This is much more than having the tools to master a domain that has yet to be tamed? Virtual learning means we are virtually learning how to do this while we teach? I can tell you there are few system leaders or consultants that have as much experience as any teachers in this medium, and it has largely been gained through self-teaching and experimentation with their classes.

I worry that too much emphasis has been placed on performance and conformity without serious consideration to being fully informed of the true social, emotional, and physical costs of virtual learning. Teachers, students, and families are feeling the stress from this and without an alternative I fear that there will be problems far greater than being behind on assignments or failing a test.

There is a definite need to refine and reform how we are being asked to serve and support our students. I’d love to take a walk around the neighbourhood with those making decisions on our behalf, share some ideas, listen to one another, breath in some fresh air, and take the steps that would best support students and staff -from a safe distance of course. Maybe if we took away their screens everyone might be able to see eye to eye here about helping to change things for the better, our students. 

In the meantime, I think another walk is in order. 

 

 

Will Gourley Constant Learning, COVID19, Emergency Distance Learning, General, Indigneous Ways of Knowing, LGBTQ2S, Making a Difference Through Education, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Resilience, self reflection, Student wellbeing, Teacher Wellness, Truth and Reconciliation, Wellbeing, Year End Reflection

Hindsight is…

Please don’t make me finish the title until the last second has ticked off the clock. I may have developed a defensive outlook about this trip around the sun. While I know this Gregorian Calender measurement of time will soon be in the rearview mirror of our lives, it is still a battle avoiding the queasiness and wincing that come when I think about all we have been through in 2020. Can resolutions be far behind?

Dang! I just wrote 2020

My understanding, perhaps acceptance, of this year is coming into clearer focus. It has been an extraordinary year on so many levels, and thus a great opportunity for personal growth. It has also been an educational year because, dang, I learnt a lot. 

Dang! I just wrote ‘dang’ again. 

I also taught a lot, and despite it feeling like a roller coaster ride from hell along the way, it meant that there were many lessons for me as an educator in 2020 too. Which made me happy to find this quote below after thinking I made it up myself. 

“If you are not learning, then you are not teaching.” Vernon L Smith*

A wise and gentle reminder that there was always something new to learn about ourselves, the students we teach, and the world around us during periods of unexpected loss, labour strife, professional uncertainty, and a global crisis. Smith’s words echoing loudly as I type. Here’s my version of it à la René Descartes. 

I learn, therefore I am a teacher.

So here is what I learnt from hindsight/2020:

  1. Take time to grieve and offer comfort first when students/families are hurting. The lessons can wait. It hurts to lose a student to senseless violence. Our school felt this very deeply last January. 
  2. Sometimes governments do not have the best interests of the population in their actions. Standing up to malfeasance and legislated tyranny is the right and a responsibility of all educators. 
  3. Mental health matters more than marks. Students/educators who struggle will not miraculously get better after a call to a helpline or a conversation with a social worker/psychologist. It is a process that takes time and patience before progress. I learned that there is much more to learn in this area to better support students, colleagues, and myself. 
    Remember that no matter how many times people tell you to take care of yourself first, there have to be reasonable boundaries and supports to make that happen. An encouraging message from admin, a Board Director’s email blast, or the Minister of Ed is not going to suffice. Set your boundaries. Do what you can do within them. Take time to be still. The work can and will wait. 
  4. Equity in schools needs to go way beyond a single day in the classroom, Orange/Pink/Purple shirt days are great starting points, but most not become performative events, but rather actionable beginnings to build on everyday in classrooms. There are so many amazing inclusion and equity resources being shared via school boards and social media for educators committed to allyship and activism in areas of Truth and Reconciliation, anti-black racism, LGBTQ2+, and culturally responsive relevant pedagogy. I learned that words in a classroom mean very little if they are not accompanied by opportunities to critically engage learners to become agents of change. 
  5. I learned not all educators are ready to confront their privilege and unearned advantage. I also learned that acknowledging my own privilege comes with the responsibility to examine my pedagogy and practice. It is a chance to unlearn, learn, and then teach. 
  6. If you are going to move into emergency distance learning within a short period of time, take it slow and make sure you have an ergonomic work space for those extended hours of screen time ahead. I learned that not all students have the same amounts of available space or bandwidth required for virtual school. I also had to accept that some students checked out the moment learning became asynchronous. 
  7. Rethink, question, iterate, bend, blend, and break everything you have done in the past to teach. Say goodbye to “we’ve always done it this way thinking”. Reimagine your reading lists, your math instruction, your use of worksheets, your classroom management, and your assessment approaches. This will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Embrace the discomfort. Learn from it, and then teach forward knowing 2020 taught us all so much. 

Thank you for a wonderful year at the speed of education. Please feel free to add what 2020 taught you in the comments below. Cheers to you all, and to a safe trip around the sun in 2021. 

*  There is comfort in the knowledge that the quote above is attributed to a Nobel Prize winning thinker because before checking, I thought the words above were mined straight out of my mind. Needless to say, I am happy to share a common thought in esteemed company. Searching out the source of the quote also allowed me to discover some of Smith’s other vast body of work in economics.